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Pinned Tweets !

Not all tweets are created equal. And a good many rarely make sense. For a site that’s so free, why does it make us feel so bad? So spiraling, crazy, and angry. Here, SSENSE editors take a brief look at some classic tweets that for whatever reason, have remained lodged in our psyches, paired, of course, with this season’s most covetable accoutrements.

Fast new friendships have a way of making even the chillest person, totally unchill. Totally excitable, super-keen, and willing to, of all things, not cancel plans. Because meeting someone brand new that somehow feels mysteriously like an old friend, can create the illusion of déjà-vu. How have we never met?! becomes the refrain. Finishing each other’s texts becomes the norm. Funny quirks or tics seal the deal and become somehow inaugurative. It’s an unsteadying mix of electricity that can launch the least susceptible person into a pattern of feeling suddenly receptive. Who better to perfectly account for the beginning stages of a fast new friendship than Perfume Genius, whose tweets are rarely wrong and always wonderfully diagnostic. I’m sure we can all agree: the last 30 seconds of “Dreams”—that familiar and near-holy, syllabic wailing—is a terrific way to begin, maybe anything. We’ll miss you, so deeply, Dolores O’Riordan.

On the morning of July 30th, 2014, Martha Stewart's’ 7:12AM shout out to drones may have seemed random to the internet at large, when in fact, she had been harboring a profound—and previously well-documented—love affair with the giant cicada-like machine for quite some time. Her passion for drones (like any true romance) is personal, and while she might tote her drone to interviews and share aerial photos on themarthablog.com, she keeps her video footage private. Maybe we can unearth something unexpected from Martha in this time of over-sharing, and learn to hold what we love most, close to our hearts.

There's a reason Rihanna's fans dubbed her "Rihsus." If anyone can cuss out the devil without clarification, it's Rihanna. And while she may have published this tweet six years ago (2012, like every year, was big for Rih: Unapologetic, her seventh album in seven years; and of course, look after look, after look, etc…) its sentiment has definitely lived on. Last year in particular, it seemed as though a new rage-worthy Satan was exposed every. Single. Day. But, as the saying goes, new year, new Rihanna. For starters, she’ll be hosting the Metropolitan Museum of Art's annual ball, "Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination." If her previous tendency to literally perfect the theme can give us any indication of what to expect, may Rhisus shine bright (and Satan fuck off).

Print these words of wisdom on a standard-sized business card. Hand out said business cards to all of your male coworkers and colleagues. Repeat.

If there’s any way that social media can be said to have had a positive impact on our world, it’s in how it humanizes even the most superhuman among us. Kevin Durant—who has admitted to creating fake accounts from which to roast his old team—might be one of the greatest athletes on the planet, but his old tweets serve as a hilariously charming reminder that even MVPs have some average in them.

Here Cher asks a very reasonable question, especially for a woman born about 40 years before the internet and before mass surveillance became a totally regular and integrated facet of our everyday life. So, Cher, the answer is yes, almost certainly. In these times, with the right technology, anyone can "c" you, sitting in the loggia of your Italian Renaissance-style Malibu home, staring out at the infinity pool and composing your tweets.

When internet celeb Chris Crocker posted his many-times-viral plea to LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! over a decade ago, he made a good point. We drooled at the first sign of the pop star's personal struggles, and when she "went over the edge"—shaving her head and attacking the paps with an umbrella—we swarmed like flies to honey. We described it as "losing it" instead of entertaining the idea that perhaps she had regained something: her autonomy. Our penchant for eternally dragging women in the limelight also informed our reactions to this tweet from 2011. If we had taken the time to read the whole conversation, we'd have known that this is actually a reply to some questions from a fan. Graciously taking the time to engage with her audience and forever devoted to her fans, if we aren't going to leave her alone let's at least cut Brit some slack.

Jaden, we too, would like some answers. What comes after 999 trillion? Did Tony Soprano die? Who was the Babushka Lady? Why is ice slippery? Who was Jack the Ripper? What is dark matter? And what’s on the other side of a black hole? Do sheep shrink after it rains? How does Teflon stick to the pan? What are dreams? What is consciousness? What are the limits of human life? Are we alone in the universe? Why does anything exist? What’s in the box? Is Leo still dreaming?

The best tweets cut across multiple axes. They satisfy both as parcels of pure language and as precisely imprecise emotive bursts, ready for redeployment when your own words fail you. It’s unclear exactly what late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia did to provoke Danny DeVito’s ire, but it’s oh so easy to imagine DeVito uttering this perfect sentence, savoring syllables like Humbert Humbert. It’s the ideal dismissal—retire, retreat, vanish, begone—sewn up with that pinched -ch. The beginning and end of the conversation.